Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
