you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
