Where did you get a picture of my penis
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
