My pussy is not your playground.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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