I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
