ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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