You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Bring me that man meat
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
