my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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