She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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