Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
