Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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