I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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