FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
