Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
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