Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
