i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
