David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
