You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
