next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize