I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
