stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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