just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
