I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So much rum. So many feels.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
