I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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