he shaved USA in his pubs
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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