she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
