do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize