It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
