she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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