I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
