I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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