so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
