Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
