So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
