I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
