I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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