Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize