he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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