just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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