I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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