I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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