are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
