Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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