Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize