I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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