Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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