this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
