I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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