The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
