I'm going to jail i love you
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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