you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
