People in love make me want to vomit
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
