Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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