On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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