my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
