how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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