on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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