and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
