So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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