I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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