Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
