Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
