nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
