She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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