the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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