I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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