thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
now i know why i became what i already was.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
