is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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