We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
