she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
