i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
