dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
